Lourdes 2018

“It only takes one light to extinguish the darkness”

When I first heard Father Dom say this quote whilst standing lighting our BCYS candle in Lourdes, an individual came to mind for me, as I assume it did for most people. One person who had been there for us in our time of anguish, loneliness and complete darkness. However, as I turned this quote over in my head throughout the rest of the day it occurred to me just how lucky I truly am. During my week in Lourdes this summer I not only had one person, one light, who had extinguished my darkness, I now had over a hundred. I always feel complete with such a full heart when looking around and seeing everyone in their blues, like during the torchlight procession or when we were all on the little train in the caves at Grottes de Betharram. Yet, it was during the coach journey home where I woke up in the night and saw everyone in their blues that it hit me that in some way, everyone on this trip had changed my life and extinguished my darkness. Maybe just by being there as a collective measure and allowing me to openly express my faith through the Brentwood Catholic Youth Service or maybe through a more personal approach like through the friendships I had made in my group this week. And for that I am eternally grateful and immensely lucky because often people can feel that they don’t even have one light during their darkness whilst I couldn’t even count on my hands how many I had.

For the first time, I had been nervous and apprehensive about going to Lourdes and felt as though I didn’t really have anyone due to things I had experienced over the previous months. I felt distant from my faith and from God and couldn’t see how going to Lourdes was going to alter that. It is safe to say that facing my fears paid off within the first 24 hours of getting to Lourdes and I just want to thank everybody who encouraged me to go back to the place that I love so much. It was during the homily of our final mass together that Father Dom spoke about a quote from Robert Brault, which said:

Source: awesomerz.blogspot.com

With the way I had felt prior to coming to Lourdes this year, this particular homily spoke deeply to me. After reconciliation, where I had spoken about my lack of faith I had had recently and the anger I had been holding on to, this homily almost seemed like a sign from God that I was ready to let it all go. God had instead given me this whole new group of friends that had become my family over the week. It felt like the apology I was never given, for the hurt I had experienced, had in some way taken form in the friends God had given me, like God’s own apology to me.

These people had not only supported me spiritually over the week, helping me to gain back my love of my faith but also physically supported me. Whether that be helping each other when pushing a pilgrim got too hard or being helped to reach the top of the Gavarnie waterfall by holding my hand and having Chris sing ‘Lean on Me’ when I didn’t think I could go any further. All these moments of support are what helped me to realise that this apology God had given me was far more rewarding than the actual apology I never received. It was in those moments that I finally got my closure and felt content again. Now, whenever I think of the point when I finally reached the top of the waterfall, looking down at how far I had come to get there, I think of that as a symbol for the struggle I have experienced over the last couple of months. It was as if reaching the waterfall was symbolic of me finding genuine friendship and reuniting with my faith.

Being part of the Year 13 group taught me so many things like how to be patient and understanding. How to be grateful for what I have and not dwell on the things I do not. How to not take for granted the simple things in life but to glorify in them. How time heals a multitude of pains and how a single smile or a reassuring touch or a friendly hug can change a whole person’s day. How I should never take my faith for granted and how lucky I am to be able to travel to Lourdes with people my age who have the chance to openly express their faiths when so many cannot. The pilgrims this year have filled my heart with so much love and each and every interaction has taught me something entirely unique and for them I am eternally blessed.